29 years in this world and just have to count my blessings.
I am proud that I am a funny person and I have finally elevated my sense of humor from purely green ones to quirky, crazy and sometimes when I get lucky sensible and intelligent jokes.
I am proud that I am such a voracious reader. That I would read any shit and all those things made me a more resilient and relatively smart person.
I am proud that I have the ability to simplify things that no matter how complicated shit could be I could either see it in a more simple way or explain it to someone in a way that even a 7 year old can understand it. (Thank you UPDS!)
I am proud that I can already control my temper and finally mastered the art of not talking back. (Thanks to Karma!)
Most of all I am happy that I have regained my ability to be fearless and to dream big!
Dear God,
I feel like nothing is working for me.
I feel that you have forsaken me.
I feel that as if I have done a very unforgivable thing that all you have given me is fear, discontent and despair.
God please stop.
Lord all I am really asking for is for me to be HEALTHY.
108 pound body
the gloom to disappear
the money to be abundant
the debts to disappear (fully paid)
the acne to disappear
and for me to be a lawyer.
God I am tired of just hanging on.
Of just striving to survive.
Please make me a better person.
A happy person.
I’m tired.
I woke up with blood all over my bed.
I thought I died of stabbed wounds and I was just a soul lurking above my bed and my body.
It was just my menstrual blood. There was just too much blood. My sanitary napkin gave up and the blood spilled on the sheets.The red stains are ghastly as if somebody died on my bed.
The knowledge that I was alive did not shake the feeling of being dead.
I’ve been dead a long time now.
It’s been months and I am still praying that I truly die. Not like these alive for all intents and purposes but dead and deadend in the inside.
Numb.
Every day of waking up is an effort. As if life has lost its meaning. I feel like I gave up on the possibilities a long time ago.
I’m tired. Really tired. The urge to stop is so strong. I am slowing receding to my catatonic self. I am afraid of what is happening.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow I am truly dead.
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I want to win the lotto before the end of the year. I want approximately 500,000.00
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